Thank you, my dear man, thank you for the laughs. At a time when I was at my most despairing you found me and gave me a chance to laugh at all my stressors.
When other jesters would have me forget my problems and "cheer up", you showed me the failings of those who cause those problems and how to laugh at the idiots.
I learned by your illustration that against an onslaught of laughter, nothing can stand.
I am in your debt.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
It's The Cake I Swear!
I've been helping my sister (we'll call her Mia) with some of her wedding plans. At first I had nothing to add to the discussion. "Where should we have the ceremony and reception?" How should I know? All of my married friends got married either while the friendship was on a break or too far away and i couldn't get time off to attend, so I have no frame of reference. (Except for relatives' weddings from when I was a child.)
Then Mia sent an email to the group wanting to know our opinion on the cake and the email included a link to a cake website. She now had my attention. I was all over the Web with cake on the brain (that is not a cocaine reference). I printed off pictures of decorated cakes that I liked; next I started searching the Net for other aspects of a wedding, such as save-the-date cards, invitations, favors, and decorations.
Suddenly I realized, if someone would come into my office and see all the pages I collected and the sites I 'd been visiting they would think I was nuts. A single girl planning which cake she is going to serve at her "some day" wedding to her nonexistent boyfriend, crraaazyy.
Believe me, I am not that girl. I am not the always center of attention, "look at me, look at me" type. I do not believe that love will conquer all of my demons and "If I just get married my life will be perfect," or "I just need to be married I don't care to whom." (By the way, I'm currently cleaning out my demon closet and some of them are just getting dusted off and put right back. What? I like them.)
Whenever I would see pictures of someone's wedding I would think about how uncomfortable I would be in front of everyone I know. The only saving grace would be if the groom (if it is to be) was the star of the show and I a supporting player. But as I think about Mia's wedding and the idea that a wedding is a celebration of family and loved ones, not a showcase of vanities, I realize it could be a fun and touching event, whether you're the bride or a guest.
And if I should ever forget that, remind me of the huge, multi-tiered, frosted cake. In fact if I'm reluctant to go somewhere you wish me to go, cake will get me there.
http://www.gloriousdesserts.com/weddings.html
Then Mia sent an email to the group wanting to know our opinion on the cake and the email included a link to a cake website. She now had my attention. I was all over the Web with cake on the brain (that is not a cocaine reference). I printed off pictures of decorated cakes that I liked; next I started searching the Net for other aspects of a wedding, such as save-the-date cards, invitations, favors, and decorations.
Suddenly I realized, if someone would come into my office and see all the pages I collected and the sites I 'd been visiting they would think I was nuts. A single girl planning which cake she is going to serve at her "some day" wedding to her nonexistent boyfriend, crraaazyy.
Believe me, I am not that girl. I am not the always center of attention, "look at me, look at me" type. I do not believe that love will conquer all of my demons and "If I just get married my life will be perfect," or "I just need to be married I don't care to whom." (By the way, I'm currently cleaning out my demon closet and some of them are just getting dusted off and put right back. What? I like them.)
Whenever I would see pictures of someone's wedding I would think about how uncomfortable I would be in front of everyone I know. The only saving grace would be if the groom (if it is to be) was the star of the show and I a supporting player. But as I think about Mia's wedding and the idea that a wedding is a celebration of family and loved ones, not a showcase of vanities, I realize it could be a fun and touching event, whether you're the bride or a guest.
And if I should ever forget that, remind me of the huge, multi-tiered, frosted cake. In fact if I'm reluctant to go somewhere you wish me to go, cake will get me there.
http://www.gloriousdesserts.com/weddings.html
Friday, March 21, 2008
Quotes From "Treasury of Wit & Wisdom"
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. -H.L. Mencken
I have a heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. -Robert Bloch
It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. -Marlene Dietrich
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. -Matt Groening
Sex is a momentary itch; love never lets you go. - Kingsley Amis
To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god. -Jorge Luis Borges
I wasted time, and now doth time waste me. -William Shakespeare
The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum. -Havelock Ellis
What worries you masters you. - Haddon W. Robinson
Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy. -Robert Anthony
From the Reader's Digest Treasury of Wit & Wisdom; 4000 if funniest, cleverest, most insightful things ever said
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The Mouse Hunt
I come out of my bedroom into the living room to find my male cat, Solan, staring at the floor underneath the blue Lazyboy. I watch him as he swats at a lump in a blanket which I have over the chair. I lift the blanket thinking he got a toy stuck there. Something falls out. Still thinking it may be a toy and it is now under the chair, I tilt the chair forward and a gray-black blur shoots from underneath the chair to underneath the curio cabinet. It’s definitely not a toy, it’s a mouse.
I decide to go into my bedroom and get a mouse trap I had set there. “It would do better in the living room,” I think to myself, “the thing has dust on it and may be in a bad spot anyway”. I bend down to get the trip (a covered, reusable one) and I see that it’s sprung. It has a fresh kill inside. I empty the trap, clean off the dust, and reset it. I place it between the curio cabinet and the entertainment center, behind a basket (so cat paws will not get caught in it).
Solan still has the mouse cornered as I find and prepare more traps. I place the second one behind the blue Lazyboy and, as I am readying another one, I see Solan chase the mouse across the living room away from the traps. I yell at him that that is the wrong way as I try to set the third trap. The spring wouldn't stay latched. Then I see Solan chase the mouse back toward the curio cabinet, batting the mouse in the air twice. The mouse runs behind the basket and Solan leaps over it in hot pursuit. I hear a snap.
I gingerly walk over to Solan. I see a mouse tail moving in the trap. Not knowing if the struggle set off the trap and the mouse is just hiding inside or if it is caught, I try to quickly come up with a plan. I realize that I want the mouse to stay in the trap, if it’s alive, so I get a bag to help scoop up the trap (before the mouse can get out) and I open the front door readying to fling the mouse outside.
Solan is still wedged between the furniture, behind the basket, ready to pounce as soon as the mouse comes out of the trap. I, ready with my bag, lift the trap and see that it did its job and killed the mouse. I show Solan (who is freaking out) the trap with the mouse inside. He looks at the mouse and bats at the bottom of the trap. I give him praise and pets -and after bringing the dead mouse outside to the garbage can- I give him treats.
About half an hour later I’m sitting on the couch and Solan comes in from the kitchen with a small, live mouse in his mouth. Both I and the mouse are stunned. I grab another grocery bag and approach Solan. He drops the mouse and I am able to grab it through the bag and release it outside. Then I give my good little mouser more treats.
—
Before you breathe a sigh of relief for the humane release of this mouse, it was injured. And when I went back outside to see if it was still there, there were bird foot prints in the snow around the imprint the mouse had made when it landed. Circle of life (eye roll).
During all of this my other cat Hillary didn’t move from her kitchen chair.
Solan has since calmed down but I’m still freaked out. Three mice in one day? I am determined to find how they are getting into the house and put up as many traps as I can. First I need to go to Target for the traps and then do some detective work. Thankfully I now know I have an excellent mouser to replace Sunny (my dearly departed tabby and accomplished mouser in his own right).
I decide to go into my bedroom and get a mouse trap I had set there. “It would do better in the living room,” I think to myself, “the thing has dust on it and may be in a bad spot anyway”. I bend down to get the trip (a covered, reusable one) and I see that it’s sprung. It has a fresh kill inside. I empty the trap, clean off the dust, and reset it. I place it between the curio cabinet and the entertainment center, behind a basket (so cat paws will not get caught in it).
Solan still has the mouse cornered as I find and prepare more traps. I place the second one behind the blue Lazyboy and, as I am readying another one, I see Solan chase the mouse across the living room away from the traps. I yell at him that that is the wrong way as I try to set the third trap. The spring wouldn't stay latched. Then I see Solan chase the mouse back toward the curio cabinet, batting the mouse in the air twice. The mouse runs behind the basket and Solan leaps over it in hot pursuit. I hear a snap.
I gingerly walk over to Solan. I see a mouse tail moving in the trap. Not knowing if the struggle set off the trap and the mouse is just hiding inside or if it is caught, I try to quickly come up with a plan. I realize that I want the mouse to stay in the trap, if it’s alive, so I get a bag to help scoop up the trap (before the mouse can get out) and I open the front door readying to fling the mouse outside.
Solan is still wedged between the furniture, behind the basket, ready to pounce as soon as the mouse comes out of the trap. I, ready with my bag, lift the trap and see that it did its job and killed the mouse. I show Solan (who is freaking out) the trap with the mouse inside. He looks at the mouse and bats at the bottom of the trap. I give him praise and pets -and after bringing the dead mouse outside to the garbage can- I give him treats.
About half an hour later I’m sitting on the couch and Solan comes in from the kitchen with a small, live mouse in his mouth. Both I and the mouse are stunned. I grab another grocery bag and approach Solan. He drops the mouse and I am able to grab it through the bag and release it outside. Then I give my good little mouser more treats.
—
Before you breathe a sigh of relief for the humane release of this mouse, it was injured. And when I went back outside to see if it was still there, there were bird foot prints in the snow around the imprint the mouse had made when it landed. Circle of life (eye roll).
During all of this my other cat Hillary didn’t move from her kitchen chair.
Solan has since calmed down but I’m still freaked out. Three mice in one day? I am determined to find how they are getting into the house and put up as many traps as I can. First I need to go to Target for the traps and then do some detective work. Thankfully I now know I have an excellent mouser to replace Sunny (my dearly departed tabby and accomplished mouser in his own right).
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Random Rant #1: The Dumbing
If you look up the word cow on Merriam-Webster.com you will find two definitions: 1) a. the mature female of cattle, b. the mature female of various usually large animals (as an elephant, whale, or moose) and 2) a domestic bovine animal regardless of sex or age. Also if you look up the word library there are two pronunciations one – library (li-brer-e) and two – libery (li-ber-e).
Here comes the rant.
No, no, no, NO! I know my college English teacher would say that the spoken word is stronger than the written word (in regards to language) but does that make it OK to be stupid? For a long time people, who probably have never actually seen live cattle, have called both the males and females of that species cows. Is it because people like us, who know better and don’t want to be jerks, haven’t corrected them that now wrong is right?
Let me tell you something that you should already know, a male member of the bovine family is a bull. Look up the word bull on m-w.com and it will tell you “a male bovine; especially: an adult uncastrated male domestic bovine”. A reference book (or reference site) shouldn't have to contradict itself so wildly especially in the same entry. I’m not talking about one word having two meanings, this goes beyond contranyms. I’m talk about the fact that we, instead of educating people of the correct usage of the English language, have decided to dumb down everyone else by making the wrong usage acceptable. I don’t see how this is OK.
You can add new words to the language, you have to as a society grows and invents, but let’s not throw away the knowledge and language we have already acquired. I highly doubt that in the scientific community that a bull will ever be considered a cow. Isn't that what should be considered when defining words, how they are used by the people who deal in the subject matter and not how they are used by someone who is ignorant to the true terms and definitions?
(Don’t get me started on Barnyard the full-length animated movie in which Nickelodeon seems to think that bulls have utters. I can concede that it was done for the humor value but I can only hope that parents educated their kids on the fact that male bovine do not have utters and are called bulls.)
And in case you where wondering, library has two r(s) in it, two. Count them: one, two. Say them both! I have no idea what a libery is but I image it is something like a strawberry or a raspberry not someplace that you can check out books.
I am not going to dumb down for anyone. I don’t aspire to be stupid; never have and never will. I don’t care if the dictionary says it’s OK. And I invite you to declare the same. I will not call a bull a cow and I will say library (li-brer-e) never libery.
Thank you, rant complete.
Here comes the rant.
No, no, no, NO! I know my college English teacher would say that the spoken word is stronger than the written word (in regards to language) but does that make it OK to be stupid? For a long time people, who probably have never actually seen live cattle, have called both the males and females of that species cows. Is it because people like us, who know better and don’t want to be jerks, haven’t corrected them that now wrong is right?
Let me tell you something that you should already know, a male member of the bovine family is a bull. Look up the word bull on m-w.com and it will tell you “a male bovine; especially: an adult uncastrated male domestic bovine”. A reference book (or reference site) shouldn't have to contradict itself so wildly especially in the same entry. I’m not talking about one word having two meanings, this goes beyond contranyms. I’m talk about the fact that we, instead of educating people of the correct usage of the English language, have decided to dumb down everyone else by making the wrong usage acceptable. I don’t see how this is OK.
You can add new words to the language, you have to as a society grows and invents, but let’s not throw away the knowledge and language we have already acquired. I highly doubt that in the scientific community that a bull will ever be considered a cow. Isn't that what should be considered when defining words, how they are used by the people who deal in the subject matter and not how they are used by someone who is ignorant to the true terms and definitions?
(Don’t get me started on Barnyard the full-length animated movie in which Nickelodeon seems to think that bulls have utters. I can concede that it was done for the humor value but I can only hope that parents educated their kids on the fact that male bovine do not have utters and are called bulls.)
And in case you where wondering, library has two r(s) in it, two. Count them: one, two. Say them both! I have no idea what a libery is but I image it is something like a strawberry or a raspberry not someplace that you can check out books.
I am not going to dumb down for anyone. I don’t aspire to be stupid; never have and never will. I don’t care if the dictionary says it’s OK. And I invite you to declare the same. I will not call a bull a cow and I will say library (li-brer-e) never libery.
Thank you, rant complete.
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