My Poor Toe

I realize that the best thing is to laugh at the stupid things I've done, all of the stupid things I've done. So, after posting the story about my shin, here is one about my toe. Don't worry it's short. The story; not the toe.

It was a December morning, I believe the 12th of December. I remember because it was the last day of classes and the first day of college finals. Anyway I was getting ready for class and auto-started my car when I realized that I hadn't set the dials to defrost the windshield. I ran outside to quickly set the dials (I didn't really have time to scrap the hard ice off the windshield, not without the defrost softening it first). The problem lie in the fact that I was not yet dressed.

I ran outside in my pajamas and bare feet, I figured that I would not be in one spot long enough for the cold to damage said feet, however I forgot about the ice. I was briskly walking back up my front porch, which is really a wooden deck, and stepped on a patch of ice. My right foot slid down the length of one of the boards and my toe (the one next to the pinky toe) jammed between the boards. As my foot continued to slide it twisted pulling my toe from the boards and disjointing it at the same time.

I made it to class on time and went to the doctors the next day. He asked me how it happened so I told him I slipped on ice, he looked at me and without blinking asked "Didn't the shoe protect your toe any?" Damn it! I was hoping you would catch that part. It wasn't broken but bloody and bruised. I, after previously seeing him twice for sprained ankles (different one each time), assured him I'm not a drunk.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

I'm sure you've done something in your life, something stupid, that caused someone close to you to say "Someday you will look back on this and laugh." Well, I'm still waiting for the laughter. Here, I'm going to do my best to force it along. I'm going to tell you how I put a dent in my shin.

It was spring, about 3 years ago, and since the birds started nesting that spring there was a Robbin (at least I think it was a Robbin) trying to make a home in a bush next to my front steps. Every time I came and went the bird would get upset. It started leaving landmines on the steps as if it was trying to deter me from walking up them. Everyday I would wash off the steps.

One day I was watering the grass as to have it nice and green before the heat of summer killed the lawn. I spent the day moving the sprinkler from spot to spot. The finial spot was in front of the deck, it was watering the lawn and the front bushes and the front steps.

At the end of the day, nighttime, I came out of the house to put away the sprinkler. I walked down the steps, in my flip-flops, and planted my right foot on the bottom step. The bottom step on which there was a poo, a bird poo, that I had missed when hosing off the steps. My foot slipped and I went falling to earth and landed on my belly (thankfully I was fat at the time or it would have done damage).

My belly didn't take the only impact however, my right leg landed on the edge of the second step. I was sure I did major damage to my leg. It was hot, red, bruising, and I could barely walk. I was in so much pain that I had my sister come over to look at it. I couldn't tell her the whole story, but she didn't need to know that now. We decided that I didn't need to go to the ER, so I went to the doctors the next day and nothing was broken. I just smashed the netting of issue that covers the shin or something like that.

It took about a year for the shin to stop feeling hot to the touch and about 2 years for the bruise to heal. There is still a dent in my leg, but as I exercise and lose weight it keeps getting more and more shallow.

That bird never saw me fall. It dropped the bomb and left, giving up on living there. But thanks to him, his poo, a wet step, and tractionless flip-flops I am reminded of the pain of unscripted slapstick every time I see my leg in the mirror.

See, I can't laugh at it; if I could it would be a funnier story. At least I can talk about it. Anyway I'm going to end this with a finial thought, I believe it was Mark Twain that said, "A man that is able to laugh at himself will never want for amusement"...or maybe it was Shirely MacLaine.

Quotes From 'Criminal Minds'

"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." -Joseph Conrad

"Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable." -(attributed to) William Shakespeare

"A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses. It is an idea that possesses the mind." -Robert Oxton Bolton

"The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?" -Albert Einstein

"Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together." -Eugene Ionesco

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe." -Friedrich Nietzsche

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." -Oscar Wilde

"Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed." -G.K. Chesterton

Read more quotes on http://criminalmindswiki.wetpaint.com/page/Criminal+Minds+Quotes.
Visit the shows website at http://www.cbs.com/primetime/criminal_minds/.